ピーター ヴァンデェヴィアー

Hello. In my previous blog, I wrote that students were working on the second drafts of their description essays. Well, they have now finished their essays. That means that they have completed three drafts. I thought I would include some samples of their writing in this blog. That way, you can get an idea of what they have been doing. Remember, these are five-part essays. That means they have an introduction paragraph (with a thesis statement), three body paragraphs, and a conclusion paragraph. I am not going to include an entire essay; it would be pretty long for this space. Most essays are two or three pages long. Here is one essay chopped up into smaller pieces.

The thesis is: The antique shop was like a haunted house.

Here is part of body paragraph 1. It shows the topic sentence and some details from the paragraph. When you see three periods in a row ‘…’ that means that I have deleted some words or sentences.


The outside of the antique shop was eerie. From gaps between the buildings, a faint cold air blew. It made a strange sound. It sounded like a little child’s whistle…In front of the building of the antique shop, an old willow tree and a bent pomegranate tree grew. The willow tree had brown leaves, and they looked like a woman’s hair...About seven pomegranates had fallen on the street and were rotting near the entrance. The pomegranates juice reminded me of blood…

Here is part of body paragraph 2. It shows the topic sentence and some details from the paragraph.


The inside of the antique shop was spooky. The antique shop was quiet, and the silence was ominous. The inside of the shop was smoky and smelled of incense…A portrait was on the right wall. The man in the portrait had an ugly smile and big eyes. It seemed like he was staring at the customers...In front of the register, the shop owner sat on an old wooden rocking chair. The rocking chair made an ugly creaking sound. The owner had long gray hair and an unshaven face. He looked exhausted and seemed like a person possessed because of his pale face.

As you can see, the essay has some very vivid details. When you read the description you can get a picture in your mind. You can imagine what the antique shop is like. Also, you can see that the details match the thesis statement. It sounds like a scary antique shop.


Many of the other essays also had lots of good details like this one. If I had more space, I would love to show you more examples of what students wrote. I think you would really enjoy their essays.

Have a good day, and enjoy the warm weather of spring.